A Very Slow Emergence Into A New Year.

What I love most about our new home is how quiet it is. In the early morning, after my husband leaves for work, I hop onto our sofa with my journal and Kindle and wrap myself in a fleece blanket. Still half-asleep, as I drink my coffee, I listen to myself and to the silence.

I intentionally centre myself in the silence.

It has been years since I’ve been able to do this. For a very long time, this quiet space within me has been highjacked by old wounds and toxic relationships, stress and uncertainty and the emotional and mental noise that comes with all these things.

But I can confidently say now that I no longer engage with the world from that wounded, noisy place.

This is the seventh year of my healing journey and I can intuitively feel that I’m at the tail-end of it. At least, I feel that I’m rising up as opposed to descending.

When I started the journey in 2018, I didn’t know that it would take this long for me to begin feeling like myself again but healing isn’t linear and there is a lot of not knowing to get through.

As part of my healing, I’ve been digging deep into that wounded noisy place and clearing it out of old junk – ways of being that wear me out and serve no other purpose but to keep me stuck. And although it’s been very difficult, slowly I feel myself adjusting to a new balance.

One of the key important things I’ve learned on this healing journey is how to hold space for myself. That space within that was once cluttered by fear and fear-driven assumptions is now an open, quiet, creative space that I can retreat to. A space in which I can experiment with my thoughts, dreams and feelings. A place of deep personal alchemy.


My Three Words for 2024: Rooting, Shedding & to Essay

These three words – rooting, shedding & to essay – are the words I’m evaluating my decisions and experiences against this year. They are the guides I’m using to align with my deeper intentions.

For example: Does this thing I’m deciding allow me to root deeper into the values I want to cultivate this year? Where do I need to be more patient with myself so that I can continue to shed what no longer serves me? What new thing have I learned today that I can turn into an essay?

What I want most from this year is to root deeply into the new life my husband and I have created. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt truly rooted in anything.

For the past six years or so, we’ve lived in various places always on route to somewhere else. Turkey, Italy, Slovakia – these were all temporary stops to a better life and that is what we worked towards while imagining what life would be like when we finally settled down. We didn’t want to settle permanently in any of those countries because of the lack of stability and opportunities these countries offered.

This constant movement and the stress involved take a toll on your psyche, your body and your relationships because your mind is always somewhere else.

But now we are here and there is no longer a wish to be anywhere else. What we want is to really get to know our new home, our community and the language which we’ve already started learning.

Now with my mind no longer focused on moving, I also want to root deeper into my writing. I want to move past the first drafts and take the time to piece together the fragments I’ve written and to really give my writing the attention it needs so that it can be shared. I think having regained access to that quiet space within will go a long way to helping me with this.

Lastly, I want to cultivate deeper relationships with the people I love. I want to be there for them in ways I couldn’t be before. I want to hold space for them when needed like I’ve learned to do for myself.

What is your guiding word for this year? Do you have any special plans? Do you have a quiet space of your own that you love retreating to?

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