On Finding a New Job

It took me about a year to find a job I loved in the Netherlands and that year was very difficult to get through.

I hadn’t realised how much of my sense of self was wrapped up in ‘having a job’ until I intentionally decided to completely change my career path.

The long thankless hours spent preparing for lessons and trying to balance the needs of students, parents and management with my own, was unsustainable. After more than 15 years, teaching English was no longer for me. I was tired and I wanted my life back.

I taught my last lesson in September 2023 and walked away with no other job lined up only to find the hunt for a new one difficult.

I couldn’t find anything that inspired me and I began to regret my decision. I had invested so much of myself into teaching. I was in the middle of completing my Delta certification. I was a Cambridge examiner. I had connections. And just like that, I forgot all the bad things about teaching because life got hard and I started to lose hope in finding any job at all.

As the prospects of finding a new job became more daunting, not working triggered all kinds of ego insecurities, causing me to become depressed.

My husband would reassure me with encouraging words, reminding me that we were okay and that I was putting too much pressure on myself too soon. He urged me to slow down, reminding me that we had just moved to a new country, and things were harder because we didn’t yet speak the language—but not to give up. In the meantime, I needed to find a way to manage my anxiety so it wouldn’t get in the way of moving forward.

Each day I did my best to let go of my insecurities, connect with new job opportunities and then to trust the process. To manage my shifting moods, I began to immerse myself in nature. Our town has several public gardens and parks as well as forests and other green spaces. All I had to do was take advantage of them.

I started taking long walks, photographing anything that caught my eye. These quiet natural spaces gave me a break from the overstimulation of my worries. The birdsong, the breeze, the sound of flowing water, and the scent of mud and lavender captivated my senses, drawing in my attention. This sensory richness promoted mindfulness, helping my mind rest in the present moment.

What I discovered in my almost daily intentional immersions is that spending time in nature was incredibly therapeutic.

My most profound experience with nature’s restorative power came in late spring when I came across a wild rose bush in the Ursuline convent garden, humming with the electrifying buzz of bees. I got as close as I could, closed my eyes, and felt my whole self resonate with the bees’ continuous, melodic hum. I had never felt anything like it before.

And then, a similar experience happened while walking along the old city walls. I encountered a section covered with flowering ivy, teeming with bees at work. Once again, I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the soft yet overwhelming buzzing sound of the bees and again it left me feeling uplifted. This time, convinced something deeper was happening, I researched “the sound of bees” and “feelings of expansion” and discovered that such a thing as Apitherapy existed.

Besides using bee products like honey, propolis, and royal jelly for healing, Apitherapy also uses bee sounds to relieve stress and enhance mental well-being. This practice, rooted in ancient traditions, is still popular in Slovenia today.

The soft, continuous buzzing sound of the bees is thought to have a meditative effect, with the vibrations and frequency of the sound resonating with the body to induce a state of calm and balance.

The relationship I was cultivating with nature became my counterbalance to the stress of the unknown that I was experiencing in my day to day life.

Now, long story short, I did find a job and one that I really love. Although it was really hard to hold faith when all I saw was darkness, I’m glad I didn’t give up believing in myself and that I had the time to reconnect with nature and discover just how therapeutic it can be. If I had been busy working, I may never have experienced this.